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Homesick
04:51
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[Verse 1]
I don't miss you
But sometimes I remember
Laying in your bed
And watching you play your DS
And we didn't have to speak
And I think I wish I could go back
To the way I felt those weeks
But I don't miss you
It's just the farther that I move away
There's more good than there's bad that stays
But even when the bad outweighs
The kindness of a memory
It's not what I keep with me 'til the end
I can't go on and not be happy
[Chorus 1]
If I remember what you did to me forever
I will never leave it all behind
And I'll never find
Any way to find my faith again
[Verse 2]
In your bedroom
For many years the green light came in
Through your open Jack and Jill
And I'd be sitting on the floor
And maybe you'd ignore me
Or you'd talk to me
'Cause that's the thing about a rotten love
Sometimes it's fine
And it doesn't have to hurt
A hundred percent of the time
And I can still mourn what I've lost
Without denying the abuse
And I can still take time to move on
Without acting like I never miss your bedroom
[Chorus 2]
But it's hardest to let go of all
The things I loved about you most
There were things that I loved about you most
And that's the hardest to let go of
[Verse 3]
You can miss a place and still know
That I'll never go back to your family home
Knowing what I know about you now
What would it help?
To see your bathroom painted blue
And all the pictures facing down?
Lay the present place against the version
Stuck inside your memory
And find the ugly truth comes spilling out
[Verse 4]
These days I always come back to
The closure that you asked for
I know it would be the end of me
'Cause I would never leave you
If I ever heard you take responsibility
So I make the choice to hurt instead
I leave the wound undressed
And I let the dirt in all the time
I leave the bone unset
And I will not accept your closure
I'm in sepsis
But I don't go running back to you
Sometimes you make concessions
Just to do what will be right for you
But I can't say why I can't stay
Commit to months down in one place
It's something in a living space
That pushes me to bloom
Before I'm ready to
[Chorus 3]
I consider everywhere I've lived
To be a second home
So now I'm homesick everywhere
No matter where my feet go
There will always be a place I want to be
Instead of where I find myself right now
[Verse 5]
Sometimes I miss you
But only when the tide comes in
And I know I would never call
And only when the thought of thinking
Privately feels powerful
And I feel you a little less
Over my shoulder everywhere I go
[Outro]
I neutralize you by giving less
Weight to all the manic things you do
The version I remember of you
Is a boy I loved so madly once
A book I read when I was young
Titanic disembarking from the shore
Neither of us should be who we were before
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House Phone Seattle, Washington
House Phone is a folk-pop solo project by Carly Besterman.
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